hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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