Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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