Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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