Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
