Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
