We're facebook friends in real life
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
