She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
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And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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