Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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