3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
