There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
