apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
