i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
