Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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