Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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