So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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