I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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