i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My vagina just clenched in fear
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
