Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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