hell yes lets make some ravioli
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
