then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Church boner. Awkwardddd
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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