Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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