hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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