if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
