can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
