Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she pinky promised me she was 18
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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