she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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