I am puke
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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