Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
