Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
