so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Randomize
