I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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