Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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