I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
