Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
