either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
