he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
