Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
