it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
