no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
