Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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