I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
