if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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