So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
