so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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