You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
