and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
His wife found the thong I āforgotā in his glovebox
Randomize
