I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
