He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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