if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
