So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
