Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
