my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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