woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
