i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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