dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize