So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
