You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
