just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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