Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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