totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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