Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
