I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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