Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
