I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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