wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
