Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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