i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
