i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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