its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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