a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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