I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
