a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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