I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
