My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
