I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just had sex bonerless
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
