i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
